, , , , , , , , , , , ,


Through the practice mindfulness meditation and yoga, I’ve developed the skill of observing myself in all kinds of mental, emotional, and physical states.
I know I’ve always been a fan of talking. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate silence. But I am still chatty, especially with myself. This is okay because I like my company. However, I will sometimes often talk aloud, to myself, even if there are people home. This is a problem when they are near me and in need of a quiet space to read, or study, or think. So, I’m working on curbing my chatter.
I’ve noticed that when I am in pain, or feeling distressed, I will say ‘okay’, like a marker; a way of marking a moment. Upon contemplation, I realize it’s like when children play tag: ‘Okay’ is my home-base.
For instance, I’ve got a migraine. I turn on the water to wash the dishes: Okay. I finish the last dish in the sink: Okay. Then I reach for the sponge to wipe the counter: Okay. I see the carrots on the table so I put them back in the fridge: Okay.
I know I do this. It’s familiar; I think I’ve always done this, but I’ve not really examined why that word.
Why ‘Okay’?
I think there’s solace in the sound of the word. It’s comforting to make that sound with back of my throat; it feels like a pat from the inside. It’s tender and encouraging.
It’s a definitive utterance. Okay is reassurance. It’s quiet but clear.
It is acceptance and agreement. That I say this word to myself, when I am anything but Okay, is my way of owning my decision to participate in whatever it is I must do.
Okay is not a victim.
Okay has made a choice.