Tags
behavior, bodies, boundaries, masturbation, men, public display of affection, self love, shock, shopping, Valentine's Day, women
I stopped at Wawa (a convenience store) on my way home tonight, to get myself coffee creamer. While I waited for my turn to pay, I gazed to my right. Directly in front of my line of vision was a large babyman standing at the automatic teller machine. He was wearing pajama bottoms which hung low, below his belly, with his undies showing. His open jacket and shirt were both too short, which allowed a full five-inch view of his midsection, all the way around. He was punching buttons with his right hand, and his left hand was down the front of his pants. I feel a need to explain that the location of this machine was fully visible to any customer in the store.
Now, I want you to understand exactly what I’m saying here, so pay close attention: This man was not paused in mid-scratch, or mindlessly resting his passive hand. He was enthusiastically handling himself, at great length. At first glance, I thought he was adjusting. We’ve all seen this. But he continued to diddle and shift, until his left-handed movements were more uniform and rhythmic. And his right hand continued to push buttons.
This went on for so long, three customers were served in the line ahead of me.
This went on for so long, I wondered what kind of business he could actually be conducting at this ATM.
I couldn’t look away. It was like a train wreck. So much going on here. So much wrong here.
Customers were served, and then it was my turn. In order to address the cashier, I had to turn my back to babyman. I looked cashier in the eyes and quietly but clearly said, “Okay. There is a man, directly behind me, masturbating at the ATM.”
She said, “What did you say?” because, goodlord, what did I just say? This prompted me to repeat the sentence more slowly and with precision, adding, “Because, it’s Valentine’s Day. And if you can’t love yourself, who will love you, even in the middle of Wawa? You know, because life is just too short to wait till you get home.”
Her eyes became huge as she ever so slightly, cartoonishly shifted her torso to her right, allowing her a clear view over my left shoulder.
She said, “Where?”
Apparently he’d finished his transaction?
I turned to look. Like some kind of awful Valentine’s Day slasher skit, he was standing right behind me.
Anonymous said:
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
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steveewolos said:
Oh! That is just perfect!
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Tom Daniels said:
That is so wonderful in every possible way. And by wonderful, I mean horrible.
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steveewolos said:
Exactly!
I wonder how many of us have seen this sort of behavior?
More than once?
More than 5x?
Hell, if you live in a big enough city, seeing this kind of thing becomes so commonplace, it could be tiresome.
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Cl said:
I’ve been to Wawa….it’s not big…. :).
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zachsafteryou said:
Excellent title, engaging writing, wonderful formatting. A true delight! Looking forward to more!
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steveewolos said:
Wow! I am so moved by your message ❤
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byocum said:
Wow.
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Lanie said:
So funny! Some people have absolutely NO shame!
This post is really well written and so easy to empathize with can’t wait to read more!
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steveewolos said:
Thank you so much!
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Earl Grey said:
I came because reddit.
Maybe I will come again
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lammy nutz said:
i’ll definitely come again… hue hue hue
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Jonyb said:
Did he realize you were talking about him?
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Milen said:
Funny story 🙂
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andwilderness said:
Ugh! But also, why was he jacking it to the ATM? Enjoying the bills coming out of the slot?
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yami rukia said:
good title and that’s sad that person couldn’t be bothered to keep their masturbation to a more appropriate place. i hope the rest of your day turned out well. hello from reddit and i may come back because you have a very eloquent writing style.
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mkns said:
I’ve never read ’50 shades of grey’, but it can’t be as good as this.
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steveewolos said:
Ha! I have not read those either.
Thank you!
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Greg Levy (@levitator1g) said:
Nasty! Great post… I’ll be giggling all day.
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nerdysmurf said:
I came here to read this because of reddit, but you had me hooked at “Wawa!” As someone born and raised in Southern NJ, but now living in the south, I could definitely relate. I will most certainly return as I really enjoyed your blog.
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steveewolos said:
Oh, that makes me so happy! I’m glad you’re here.
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ayylmao said:
what a dickhead
what a jerk off
what a cunt
who does that
surprise its me bby
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Al Facinho said:
Great writing, loved it! Write more!
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steveewolos said:
Wow! Thank you! I’ll keep writing, and hope to keep you reading.
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thetech said:
Great story, well told, felt like I was right there. Wait, maybe I was….
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steveewolos said:
Ha!
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Schuyler said:
Haha, at the end I was imagining that he’d completely disappeared, so that the cashier thought you imagined it. Because the only thing more awkward than catching someone masturbating at an ATM is hallucinating someone masturbating at an ATM and telling someone about it.
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fake name said:
you daughter outted you to reddit…
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cenap said:
What happened next?
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jjphilswife said:
So this was my first real personal blog that I have voluntarily read, and this was great. The story was told perfectly. I could see this happening. And I could imagine telling this any other way. Anyway great job. Looking forward to more posts. 🙂
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steveewolos said:
Thank you so much!
I hope to keep you reading.
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CC said:
Love your blog, your writing style is inspirational 🙂
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steveewolos said:
Thank you!
This makes me so happy!
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Richard said:
Love your blog, saw it posted on reddit, this story reminds me of F Scott Fitzgeralds, A Confederacy of Dunces, written in a similarly absurd humour style that I love!
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